Who Do You Want to Be?

Brief yet complex thoughts on growth.

I decided: I would start reading a book that my 19-year-old recommended to me when she was 17, The Book Thief by Markus Zusak. I started it last night and wondered what took me so long. Then, I got inspired and wrote a list of all the books I’ve meant to read, but never did - such as Watership Down, which I’ve been planning to read since I was 13 (and still own the copy of the book my dad gave me then.)

I’d like to be a clutter-less person. Recently, as some of you know, I began to clean and gut my house. (I’ve now moved towards dark and creepy garage territory. It’s super rough.)

Also, how’s this: I’d like to be a person with a calm and well-behaved rescue dog. I hope to be able to say the following to someone else one day: From my own experience, I can tell you this: you have to stick in there with your dog, don’t give up on him, get a trainer if need be.
Yes, I’d like to be able to say that to someone else with full authority!
So… I have a dog trainer coming over next week.

Do you see what I’m getting at?
I worked out last night when I didn’t want to.
I made a salad when I didn’t want to.
Why?
Because I have things that I want to be or want to continue to be:
Strong, healthy, aging well.
It’s a serious challenge sometimes.
Well-read, uncluttered, with a dog who doesn’t act like an asshole.

Bite-size chunks. That’s my new advice to myself.
Work out with weights, 6 days a week, for just 20 minutes.
Walk or run everyday.
Make a salad with what I have on hand.
Teach the dog: Off!
Go through another bin of stuff in the garage. (Scared.)

We were gone for a few days earlier this week and when I got back, I noticed my house felt rather spacious and uncluttered. I recognized the small success. I told myself: Good job Cory, I can see and feel the difference.

I read, I eat well, I exercise, I train the dog. I let go of what I don’t need. Box by box.

(By the way- here’s a tip:
It’s hard to do anything when you’re in crisis mode.
Let yourself be in crisis until you’re not anymore.
Then you can clean your garage.
Not that I know anything about that.)

I go back so far to start.
The copy of Watershed Down I’ve had since I was 13
the one I always wanted to read
is no different from
the inner emotional work
I always wanted to sort out
is no different from
acknowledging we need support with the dog
is no different from
waking up early
and writing the blog.