Me + Kale
a sort of love story
Everyone in my family is mad at me for how much kale I eat. Maybe not mad, but certainly annoyed. No one asks me what I want for dinner anymore. When options are being discussed, and it’s my turn to speak, someone else will invariably answer for me: “kale salad.” They say it rudely, and with an eye roll.
Kale is utter goodness. I’ve been a follower since 1995 (see pic with my then housemate, I’m the one with kale up my nose.) I simply can’t comprehend why most people have something against such a beautiful vibrant leaf but you better believe I’ll take a moment out of my busy day to set them straight.
Let’s get one thing clear right off the bat: kale is not a garnish and don’t ever call it one. Don’t spread lies about kale. A pickle is more garnish than kale. I didn’t say a pickle IS a garnish, so calm down pickle lovers. I’m just saying if we had a gun to our heads and had to pick which is more garnishy, it’s a pickle. Or how about a lemon. A lemon is fine. Capers. Parsley. But, we shouldn’t even have garnishes anyway. Garnishes are pushed to the side of the plate: food waste! At the very least I think you and I can agree wasting food is a heartbreaking world problem (to the tune of 408 billion dollars a year.)
Anyway, in case you were wondering, here’s why I like kale: It’s amazing as a salad. Cut up a curly varietal (don’t add the stems) add a ripe avo, Liquid Aminos, and the juice of a lemon. Massage it together with your clean hands. Add whatever else you want. Cut-up veggies. braised pine nuts, baked garbanzo beans...be creative for Christ’s sake! Kale is full of vitamins and minerals blah blah blah…any person with half a brain can figure that out. But consider this: kale scrubs out your intestines, and isn’t that something everyone should know? Who wants dirty, plaque-ridden intestines?
I am going to come right out and tell you that at 50 years old, when I went in for my first ever colonoscopy and everyone else I knew had polyps galore, I had NONE. Not one polyp. Want to know why? Bet you can guess. Cooked kale, steamed kale, braised kale, baked kale (a.k.a kale chips), but mostly raw kale salads. You know what though, my gastroenterologist didn’t even congratulate me on my clean colon. It hurt my feelings to the core. It’s not like I wanted a medal for being polyp-free, but a pat on the back would have been nice.
Still, I continue to spread the word. I did an Instagram post the other day with a photo of my kale salad and a neighbor commented “This works out perfect, we won’t eat kale, so more for you.“ Figures. This is a person who gave me Swedish cardamon buns for Christmas. (They were amazing, by the way, but you cannot eat that and not have kale later in the day to scrub out the yeast ball glued to your gut!)
I’ve accepted it. Wherever I turn, I am a lone kale pilgrim. But I can take it, I’m tough enough to bear it. There’s a reason for my strength- a brilliant source in fact, it grows sweeter in the Winter and can tolerate drought, its spine is strong... shall I go on?