Away from the Pack

thoughts on unveiling yourself.

A while back I wrote a poem about living in the mountains, which I did for about 5 years in my early twenties. It was life-opening. I got to connect with the essential part of myself that understands. Surrounded by hawks, rocks and tall grass I could look down and across the ginormous (it’s a word) ocean wrapping around the coastline. All the Channel Islands stark and clear, or buried in fog.

One day, I scattered cosmos seeds right outside the back door, at the literal edge of the mountain. Quickly, the flowers grew taller than me. I still have never seen cosmos grow that tall. They knew and I knew this was fertile land in more ways than one.

It was super quiet. Just birds, grass rustling. No trucks could make it up there for trash pick up. We drove our trash down. We pumped water from a big tank that sat on a neighbors property and he sent us a bill every month. Sometimes the pump broke and there was no water for a few days. Plenty of times the driveway to our house washed out in the rain and we had to walk groceries up in the mud, slipping and sliding. Even on a dry day, friends were scared to drive up the unpaved road filled with holes and rocks. They’d park below and hike in.

It wasn’t for everyone, but it was for me. I wrote an album of songs up there (Orbiter) that spoke to space, stars, dragonflies and the practice of inner alignment in a difficult world.

I recently picked up a copy of “The Essential Writings of Ralph Waldo Emerson.” In witnessing nature he wrote: I am not alone and unacknowledged. Exactly. A powerful insight for a world in which so many of us feel alone, dejected or misunderstood.

And then it so happened last week my mom handed me a copy of Joseph Campbell’s “On the Hero’s Journey.” The combination of Emerson and Campbell may be all one needs to align. Campbell offers that conformity for the sake of conformity robs not only you of your unique talents and purpose, but robs the world of your talents as well. Once again, my thoughts exactly.

It’s the issue I have with various aspects of education, the medical world, the mental health world, even including psychotherapy at times (gasp!) Not everything can be so streamlined, boxed up and doled out. Not everyone is wired to respond to common methods of education, excavation and illumination.

I think, more often than not, what we seek to find is what we already know to be true. We just want someone else to hold the flashlight, to agree with our reactions, to allow us an opportunity. Nothing wrong with that but also…

…it’s ok to stand away from the pack and be lonely for a bit. You give yourself the courage and permission. Have some blind faith. Adjust into the trees or the music. One foot after the other. You need courage until understanding blooms from your braveness. Once you get it, you get it. Then you can help others.

What’s amazing is that the reminders, the treasure map to get there, it’s everywhere. Like Special Agent Fox Mulder said in that TV show “The X Files,”… the truth is out there.

Not everyday will be a “good” day. But that hard day is part of the puzzle, part of the pyramid. It’s a brick-by-brick situation. We use the vantage points from those hard days while remembering that often the best art comes from the raw experience of seek and struggle.

Up the mountain into the tall grass. There are definitely endless options for cracking yourself open and aligning yourself with the truth of the matter. Simple things…a used bookstore, a walk, a pen and paper for instance…

xoxo