And the leaves

a re-prioritization

The analyzing, in the end- what does it get us?
(I do it too, believe me.)
But.
It’s not words that matter. Or
Understanding the past. Or
figuring out
How. We. Got. Here…
It’s not what moves me.

What moves me is a seedling.
A driver letting me go when it’s not my turn.
Saving an ant from the bathtub.
(why not?
just try it
it walks away.)

I never will understand why people kill spiders. We’ve had one living in a corner of our living room, right under the mantle, for well over a year. We call him Brom. (“Bro” with a “m” on the end.) I guess the one time something gets purposely killed in this house is when Brad feeds Brom a fly.

I don’t know. Believe me. I will analyze something until its guts fall out. I must tire people out sometimes. But I don’t mean it. I know the truth. I know analyzing is
just words.
Trying to figure out
How. Did. We. Get. Here?!?

In the still of the deep of the night, with the dog snoring at my feet and Brad by my side, I think (joyfully + thankfully) of our two beautiful daughters.
Out there.
Two
loving, exhilarating beings.
We did that!

In the still of the deep of the night, I turn frightened
until I remember
the issue is simply
I must get into the dirt
and grow something
(because it’s a cosmic miracle.)
Smile at someone.
Be kind.
Feed a spider.
Adopt a dog who needs a home
(and take him along in the car every chance I get.)

Analyze the damage? Sure, I do it.
(Honestly. How can you not?)
But knowing ultimately,
time is better spent
digging a hole.

What will grow?
maybe flowers, maybe sage
doesn’t matter.
I’m out there
with the birds
and the leaves
and no more words
need be said.